Potholes and Load Locks

In my late teenage years I had the pleasure of working at a locally owned grocery store. When I was first hired I worked as a stocker in the dairy. The most exciting day of the year for me was when I would look at the shipment of the day that had come in and I would see Egg Nog. I would always stash a couple to the side so I would have some at the end of my shift. Those were always the longest days. Later in my three year career at the store I received a couple of promotions. I was in charge of ordering products for the dairy and also driving the lovely milk truck. I also was the morning receiver ... that guy that bonds with the truck drivers as they deliver the order of the day to the dock. Being that I was in charge of ordering products for the dairy you can imagine that our store was the first to always have Egg Nog. I really loved and enjoyed working at the grocery store; however, the dairy truck was always a shooting match. The truck in and of itself was not in the best shape and being that I was just barely learning how to drive a stick made it delightful. It was a 26 foot delivery truck that really had more going wrong with it than right. The brakes were always bad, the transmission went out on me, I had to turn the steering wheel one full turn before the truck responded and the list goes on. It truly is a miracle that it worked as long as it did. So, my responsibilities as the official milk truck driver was simple ... to drive three miles to the Dairy Plant, pick up the milk and drive it back. What always made this fun was the milk was loaded on what was called a "rack." The rack had about four sizable shelves and was on wheels to make it easier to move around. That was all good for when you are at the Dairy Plant or at the store but it truly is a bad thing to have the milk racks moving around while driving because that would result in the absolute worst case scenario for a driver ... watching milk pour out the side of your truck while driving. I only had that happen once and that was enough for me. I was given two load locks to prevent the racks from moving. I would tighten those for all I was worth and pray they would hold. Now there was two things that would cause any load lock to loose its integrity ... when the mechanics of it failed and broke and potholes.  As I began to drive the route week after week I learned where each pothole was and did all I could to avoid them. I got so good at knowing the existing potholes that I would only pay attention to them and a new one would pop up on me every now and then, which would cause me to say words I really shouldn't write. There were even times the road was so bad that I would have to drive through some potholes but I knew they were there so I would go slowly singing songs to the truck like that would help some how. I would always feel a sense of relief after I had backed up to the dock of the store, open the back of the truck and see the load hadn't moved.

I am not one that likes to sit around. The symptoms of having a bad cold or flu are horrible but what is even worse for me is having to lay around and rest. I am always thinking about the next project to do and get busy on it. As depression began to wrap its chains around me I grew more and more frustrated. I had projects that I wanted to do but the motivation for doing anything was quickly seeping away and I couldn't do anything about it. There would be times that I would literally force myself to start a project but stop halfway and leave it for days. My motivation was gone plus the heaviness of depression weighed on me and all I felt I could do was lay around. During those times I would think about all the unfinished projects and how my sweet wife was being patient but it was eating me alive. I had heard so many times in my life to keep balance. That was always a good idea but I sure never did it. In my mind that meant I had to do something that took me away from being "productive." I have learned for me that with depression survival is all about balance. I have learned the things or "triggers" that can throw me off the cliff of despair. I know what they are but am just starting to get to the point where I can strive to stay away from them. I am learning about me and about where potholes may be ahead and how to avoid them or take them slow. Sure I hit them, which tends to throw the load locks off and the spiral begins but I am working on it. My potholes are different from others, which may only allow me to do so much a day but that is okay.