Mind Reading

When I was between jobs going to school I went to one of those temp companies looking for any type of employment. I received notice that there was some work available at a company that made mouse pads. Not football pads for mice but that piece of rubber looking thing your computer mouse rests on. I figured why not. My first day they put me on the easiest job, which was to put the backing on the pad. My "trainer" was a very polite older lady that was bilingual ... she was proficient in one but the other one she was learning. She and I shared the same language she was learning. As I sat at the table she would show me how to do the task at hand, watch me do a couple and then leave. Every now and then she would come check on me and my fantastic work. I would either get a smile or a frown. If I got a frown she would show me again, have me do a couple and then leave. If I got a smile she would simply leave. After working there for a couple of weeks, which meant I must have been doing okay, they moved me to another task. I was introduced to how they make a different style of mouse pad than the traditional one colored style. My job was to stand by a long rotating machine next to a large stack of paper. The paper was probably about 3 feet by 4 feet. My kind trainer was there again smiling ready to show me how to do this task. I heard a loud buzzer go off and part of the machine I was standing next to began to move slowly. My trainer pointed down to the end of this long machine showing me large pieces of plastic, about the same size as the large paper, was beginning to come our way. As they approached us she grabbed one of the pieces from the machine put it on another table while grabbing one of the larger pieces of paper and slowly placing it on the plastic, which had a sticky back. It was like she did this in one long smooth motion and she was good. After doing one she let me try, which I failed at terribly. I found out that the stickiness on the back of the plastic was very sticky and loved to hang on to your fingers and if any of the paper touched it it was staying there ... even if it was in the wrong place. My trainer stayed with me giving me more frowns than anything but after a while I got a handle on it. There was one time when I totally messed up and found out that if you missed a piece of the larger sticky plastic it would eventually land on the floor. I received more of a stern frown on that one. I worked at this fine establishment for a summer and I have great memories from it. Needless to say I don't look at mouse pads the same.

As I have fought with depression, anxiety and ocd I have gotten to know a new person and that new person is me. I was in my late 30's when this all began to happen and was pretty comfortable with who I was. I knew all the things I liked and disliked. I was quite comfortable with my strengths and weaknesses. I knew the things that brought me joy and what made me sad. As the fight of my life began there was so much that I had no clue I would learn about me and am still learning. I am delighted that I still don't like broccoli. How my learning would usually happen would be through experience that heightened the emotions of the mental illness I was fighting. I learned things quickly to stay away from and am actually still learning things now. One of the most important things I have learned is to share with my loved ones what those are. The importance of communication is beat over our heads over and over but there is a reason for that. If I am just learning what things aren't good for me to experience than how would my loved ones know? Letting them know being very specific is so important so they can help and be keenly sensitive. My caution I would give is when you tell them what things aren't good for you to experience strive to be loving and understanding if they still happen every now and then. I have learned that when that happens it's not malicious but more of forgetfulness. At least you know they are trying and that shows they care. You don't have to rely on just a smile or frown on how things are going but can be clear with each other. Giving them a hug every now and then doesn't hurt as well.