Iceberg Dead Ahead!

One summer when I was a teenager a good friend of mine and his family invited me to go water skiing with them. We spent three days or so at a lake having an incredible time. At night we would camp on the sandy beach preparing for the next day. I learned a couple of things about camping on the beach. No matter how hard you try, sand has a way of getting everywhere and I mean everywhere. Not a big fan of sand in the sleeping bag. I also learned that putting sun tan lotion on your feat is important too. My friend and his family had a boat so we spent a lot of time out on the water. They were all avid water skiers and then there was me. I was amazed at all the techniques shared with me of how to get up out of the water and have that magical moment of getting on the skis for the first time. You give them the nod, the boat engine revs ups and then boom ... being drug along the water hoping you wouldn't lose your swim suit again. I actually never did get up out of the water on the skis but I did have a blast on that trip. As do all awesome trips do, this one did come to an end. As my friend and I helped break down camp, my friend's dad gave us the assignment to take the boat to the boat ramp once we had all packed up everything into the truck. He and the family would drive down to the ramp while my friend and I would take the boat out one last time. Of course, we were happy to oblige. The time came to get on the boat and my friend realized he hadn't put in his contacts yet so he grabbed his contacts and we headed to the boat. I stood watching the water and the beauty one last time soaking it all in when I heard my friend say, "uh-oh," I turned back to look at him and he was winking at me. I stood silent not really knowing if this was a sign that some good looking girls were coming or what. He rubbed his eye and then told me that as he was putting in his last contact it blew off his finger into the water. We both kind of shrugged it off and got in the boat and he asked me to be the look out to make sure that we didn't run into anything. Needless to say I laughed since I was blind as a bat and was in a stage of my life that you really wouldn't catch me with my glasses on. We both laughed as he hit the throttle heading us out to the water. In the previous days of fun we knew where the boat ramp was so we weren't too worried about that but my friend still thought it was best for me to still be on the look out. In the midst of traveling we both saw something white ahead that looked rather big. He slowed down a tad as we approached with caution because he didn't want to damage the boat. We shared different ideas what it could be from a big tube to who knows what but it was something we were sure we would have to go around. As we approached the unknown object we busted up laughing. The mysterious humongous floating danger turned out to be a white Styrofoam cup floating on the water. What do you expect from a guy with one contact in and the other guy that couldn't see for the life of him. We both agreed to not tell anyone about that experience and of course have shared it numerous times.

I have found that as I fight depression and anxiety that I get easily overwhelmed and overwhelmed fast. This can come from what I can see in front of me, the great abyss of what I can't see in front of me, or my favorite (feel the sarcasm here) is the time when I am so overwhelmed and it takes work with my psychologist to find out why ... I am not a big fan of that one. I will say that looking back at what I have worked through can give me strength and  some hope. May I comment quickly that I do want to emphasize "worked through." People simply can't see all the hard work we do that fight depression. I have found that extremely frustrating. I love doing projects around the house and folks can see the hard work it has taken and how it has really paid off. Well, all the hard work I do with fighting depression can only really be seen by me. My psychologist can see when I make some progress and those close to me can see some as well but I am really the only one that knows how draining it is and how it can simply rob you of your thoughts and time as it begs for your attention constantly. Having depression has given me sight to the darkness of mental illness, which is terrifying because light and hope is very hard to find. As I have fought for that light and hope I have learned to see things differently that has been a tremendous help. I don't have to perfect and that is okay is one of the insights I have learned to know ... I had heard it many times but now I am learning to know it. I still get taken back by the "small" things that may seem so tiny to others but literally kicks my butt and I end up working on and working on and working on. What may be a simple Styrofoam cup to many can be huge icebergs for us that fight depression ... and of course we won't tell you about them because we may be ashamed of it or just don't have the energy to explain so much. I promise that there are so many that are fighting icebergs out there that need that little touch of love. For my fellow iceberg fighters I'm here to help chip away anyway I can.