January is the month where a plethora of variety of resolutions / goals are born ... and later that month are usually broken. I am proud to say that I have completed one of my resolutions, which was to enjoy a nice cold Coke. Call that bad boy done and put a check by it. In fact, I think I will pause a moment and exceed my goal by filling up another cup with that fine beverage as I write. I am back and that sip I just took was awesome. I have to admit that I am not a big fan of the word "goals." So often that word that was created to better us somehow brings more angst and disgust than anything. When I was nineteen years old I went to the great lands of Seattle Washington to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, yep, I am a Mormon and enjoy being one. The only "measurable" goals I had experienced in my life before than was not to fail any classes in High School. Let me just say that I made it through with a little help from summer endeavors. As I became a missionary I was introduced to numerous goals. They made sense to me. Basically they were to help any nineteen year old to keep the right perspective as a missionary so I had no problems with them. In fact, I got to set goals for myself that I felt I could accomplish. I quickly learned that one of the problems that may arise from goals is the person that tries to enforce them rather than love and help to achieve. I was introduced to a missionary, probably about twenty, who felt goals were not something to shoot for but achieve 100% of the time. I began praying to hit certain goals than actually be sensitive to those that could benefit from hearing the words of Christ and bring peace in their lives. One December, the other missionary I was serving with at the time, my "companion", and I had set a goal to baptize two people that month. We felt pretty good about it and focused on sharing the words of Christ. We were able to get a baptism but then the month was coming to an end quickly. I found myself praying more to reach the goal. There was one Sunday left and I prayed my heart out that we would hit our goal of getting another baptism ... notice I was so centered on the number I wasn't praying for anyone but for a check mark. Well, we showed up to church and miraculously there was a man that had showed up that we didn't know. My companion and I approached him and he turned out he wasn't a member of the church and was just visiting. I was so happy because there was a closer chance of hitting a goal. My companion and I talked with him briefly about baptism. In fact, after asking him a couple of times he felt it would be okay if he got baptized that day! Boom! Slam dunk on the goal! My companion and I left the gentleman for a minute and approached the Bishop of the congregation we were assigned to serve with. We were so excited about having a baptism and hitting our goal. I will never forget what the Bishop did at that point and what he taught me. The Bishop paused for a moment and then asked us what would be best for the gentleman, to be baptized today or later? I was shocked! What did he mean? Didn't he know that I had prayed for a baptism and now it was here in our hands, which I boldly told the Bishop. He paused and asked us again what the best thing would be for the gentleman. My reply was something about how I had prayed we would be able to get a baptism. The Bishop looked at me and told me that my prayer had been answered to get a baptism but was that the best thing for the gentleman to be baptized today and not perhaps later. We hadn't even talked to him about what we believed or what kind of commitments he would have to make. My hard heart focused solely on goals began to see what the Bishop was teaching me. I had completely lost sight of being sensitive to what the gentleman needed and really lost sight of why I was a missionary. I wasn't a missionary to check boxes on some list to look good to others ... I was a missionary to share with people the peace I had found in following Christ. We made several appointments to meet with that gentleman but he was a no show every time. I still made goals on my mission but I prayed for a greater ability to love and touch peoples lives.
Being that I am a little past nineteen years old now I have had my share of goals. Being a perfectionist, you can imagine how my list looked of personal goals ... I almost had to call them different chapters. I have also experienced having my foot in corporate America for many years and having "goals" given to me to accomplish. All I will say about that is having goals set for you by upper management that can't be accomplished just to look good for someone else is like them giving you the bullet to put in your gun and you shooting yourself in the foot. I better stop on that one before I light up like fireworks going off all at once rather than over a period of a half hour or so. Now, I believe it is important for me to note that I strongly believe in doing things to stretch myself to have me grow and I am the only one that really knows that ... you can call that goals if you want. I think that is how simple and real it should be. Throw depression and anxiety in the mix and you can imagine how difficult it can be as January comes around. I want to be a better person and I will work immensely hard on things that will help me grow but it will look different than what John Smith down the road is doing. What? We are different people and may be able to accomplish different things at different times? Thus, the other slippery slope "goals" can bring ... the exact same goals given to a group of people to accomplish individually with the best intentions possible. A wise man once told me that if you are "given" goals to accomplish and you do them to just do it ... don't. Do them for the right reason, which I feel is because you believe in them or because you feel like you can do them and won't bring an immense amount of stress. Isn't it amazing how having too many goals to become "good" or "better" can actually hinder more than help? As I lay in bed every night and think about the morning, I know that I will wake up and find depression and anxiety waiting for me. Yep, there are days when I am not feeling up to the fight that day or begin it and just get my back yard kicked and kicked hard. Yet, I believe in being a better person and try it every day. Some days are better. So to my fellow friends out there fighting depression experiencing the feelings January can bring, know that I care about you and we can make it through this "fun" month. I will approach tomorrow with getting out of bed and then be happy with that. I will be the best I can and be happy with that. I think it is time for another Coke.
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