Skis and Gratitude

My scout leaders loved to ski. So, needless to say when I was a young scout I was introduced to this sport, entertaining activity, bone breaker, giver of concussions, tail bone bruiser experience ... whatever you want to call it. With living close to ski resorts we were able to take advantage of them often. My first experience with skiing was quite the eventful one. Thankfully I wasn't the only one getting ready to experience their "first time" as well. I was bundled up in a green ski suit and my good friend was bundled up in a bright yellow one. We received little instruction and were sent on our way. As we got off the lift for the first time, which I was extremely glad they didn't have to stop because I had no idea what I was doing, we looked at the hill below and were eager to implement our instructions. The instructions were quite simple ... point the tips of our ski's to the bottom of the mountain and push off with our poles. If we were going too fast we were told to just fall down to stop. We were also told that once we had mastered the "easy" run that we could attempt harder ones. Being that the easy run was called the "bunny hill" I was pretty eager to move on. As we looked on, the snow began to become worse as a blizzard was starting to blow in. My friend and I looked at each other, pointed our ski's to the bottom of the hill and pushed off. It wasn't long before we were falling down quite often attempting to keep some sort of control and no one really gave us instructions how to get up once we fell down ... not that easy. We made it through the first run a little beat up and bruised. Admittedly it was a bit embarrassing as we came down the last hill approaching the other skiers in line for the lift and the only way we could stop was to fall down. Yep, we felt like true winners! We got back in line and kept at it and actually got slowly better with an emphasis on slowly. The snow storm remained strong and at times all I could see was my friend in front of me in his vibrant yellow ski suit. If he fell, I fell. If he began to slowly turn I began to slowly turn. There was one part of the afternoon when the snow slowed and I actually got in front of him with no real doing of my own and was going faster than I had the whole day. So fast that falling down really didn't sound that fun. I saw an awesome skier in front of me ... they were awesome because they could turn back and forth slowly down the hill. As I approached them I could tell that the chance of running straight into them was growing stronger and stronger. I began yelling warning them I was coming and they didn't do a thing. Now if I was a betting man at that time I would have bet the farm that a collision of chaos was about to happen. As I approached the skier going at a good rate with them slowing getting ready to cross the path I was headed I tightened all my muscles and watched my ski's go right over the front of theirs right behind the tips. To this day I have no idea how I didn't run into them or how they didn't go flying themselves but I survived and so did they.

With Thanksgiving behind me and Christmas coming I have been striving hard to really think about the things that I am thankful for. Yep, I am a believer that you can still be vocally thankful once the turkey has been eaten, the football games have been watched, and the nap has been enjoyed. As I have paused and pondered about what I am thankful for I have been sad. I have been sad because I have come to a clearer understanding how depression steals my thoughts. I have been so hell bent on attacking my depression that is all I think about ... and recently as I have fought not to think about it I have been losing. Why? Because depression is like that annoying fly that always reminds you that it is there and will keep landing on your nose staring at you in the eye. I miss having the ease of thinking of other things ... yep, it is possible but extremely hard. Try to not pay attention to that annoying fly and see how it works out for you. With that said, I have been able to think of some things I am thankful for. First and foremost is my loving God and His Son. I know I can't see it and the majority of the times I feel alone, I know that they have been with me more than they have in my life. I am thankful. My sweet wife who puts up with me and man is that huge! She loves me regardless ... plus she is a great kisser :). I am thankful. My three angels! I love being their dad! Their hugs, kisses and humor keeps me going on daily and has saved me countless times in those dark moments. I am thankful. Family. Thank you for loving me. Your wisdom and support has been life saving. I am thankful. Friend. You know who you are. You have been with me from the beginning and haven't forgotten ... thank you. I am thankful. Friends. Thank you for offering your support. I am thankful.  My Psychologist. Thank you dude for teaching me that I don't have to just point my ski's to the bottom of the hill and push off. Thank you for teaching me how to strive to deal with my demons. Thank you for listening to me and your patience. I am thankful.