Relief meet Joy

Stan and Ted have a huge test coming up in Honors Chemistry. The end of the semester is growing close and the teacher has reminded them over and over how the up coming test is 40% of their final grade. Stan would be more than happy if that was all the pressure he was feeling. His dad is constantly telling him how he will not accept anything lower than an "A" on the upcoming test. He continues with telling him what he gets on this test could actually effect what college he would get into,which would also determine how his life will turn out. Stan studies hours and hours every night giving up social events to make sure that he is ready for his test so he won't let his father down. As the day to the test gets closer Stan finds that when he is with his father all he can think about is the fear he is consumed with that he won't do well on the test. The night before the test comes and Stan stays up for most of the night studying only getting just a couple of winks of sleep. Ted cringes when his Honors Chemistry teacher tells them over and over about the importance of the test. Ted understood the first time and doesn't see the point about the careless repetition. He knows it is important and will study for the test. In fact, he even approached his father about the test being concerned about it. Ted's father put his arm around him and explained that the only thing he expects Ted to do is do his best. Ted studies every night but also spends time with his family and even other friends. Stan said he was too busy to do anything. Every time Ted is around his father, he encourages Ted telling him that he knows he can do well but again reminds him to just do his best. The night before the test Ted spends a little more time studying but gets a good nights sleep. The test day comes and Stan gets an "A" and Ted gets a "A-". Stan sits at his chair feeling such a huge relief that he didn't let his father down and he won't be angry at him. Ted smiles feeling joy knowing that he did his best.

Being able to settle for your best is very difficult for a perfectionist. The expectations run rampant like the waters of a flood ... especially around Christmas time for some reason. Every experience should be like those lovely Christmas commercials where everything is just perfect. They have everything in place including every ornament on the tree and they don't have dust on them. Well, guess what? Dust happens! As a perfectionist everything seems so highly crucial to the point that if it doesn't go well the future of the day, the week, the month or the year can be ruined. Achieving 99% of a task is nice but the 1% gets the attention. Why didn't I finish it? Am I not a finisher? What could I have done better? Being a perfectionist is a time bomb ready to happen because no matter how you try, no matter what kind of latest version of the coolest planner you have, no matter how committed you are ... you will fall. Accomplishing task after task turns into more of feeling relief than joy. Joy sadly dissipates as relief becomes more and more the feeling of accomplishment. When a perfectionist falls it's not pretty. It's not the wipe the pants off and get up scenario. It's the wallow in the mud scenario. Add depression to that and boom ... not so pretty or fun. I am learning to shift from perfectionist to a person that approaches the day by doing my best. Granted, there is the caution of not using "I did my best" as an excuse to purposely slack. Doing your best is just that and then celebrate the crap out of what you achieve. I have found that I cherish feeling the joy that come from achieving things doing my best compared to the relief I used to feel after being the perfectionist. I truly cherish joy and feel that depression, no matter how bad it sucks, has taught me a deeper feeling and understanding of it.