I enjoy going to the pool. There's nothing like soaking in the sun and then jumping in the water cooling off and then goofing around with the kids. I do have to admit that my favorite part of any pool is the four to five feet deep section ... just enough water to make you feel like you can swim but not too deep to be above your head when you need to stand up. My swimming techniques differ but they all have the same outcome ... I sink to the bottom of the pool. The is no natural born floating for this guy. When I was a kid this was tough because the majority of my friends were like fish and could swim at will. What a great feeling it is to be one of the few that stands on his tippy toes going as deep as he can while watching his friends swim in the deep section. I did have a friend that I will call Gus that was in the same boat as I was. In fact, my mom and his mom signed us up for swimming classes one month in the summer. We were pretty excited about it with the thought that we might be actually able to swim. Now, when I was young my close friends called me Jones. That was a nickname that was given to me and just stayed. To this day, my life long friends still call me Jones and as you can imagine Gus called me Jones the entire time we had our swimming class. Well, I worked really hard at doing everything the instuctor asked us and when all was said and done I still couldn't swim and neither could Gus. There was some disappoinment but we weren't really too surprised. The last day was a pretty cool day to us because we were allowed to wear a life jacket and jump off the diving board into the unknown deep part of the pool. That was a blast! We also were told that we would be given report cards for the class. I remember the instructor calling "Kenny" so I walked up and received my report card. I wasn't too surprised that I did really good with participation but the "results" section had a lot of "needs improvement" notes. A couple of others were called up and then the instructor called for "Jones." I looked around knowing that we didn't have any one in the class with that name and as I looked up to the instructor he was curiously looking at me and motioned for me to come up. After sifting through the confusion we quickly realized that the instructor thought that Kenny and Jones were two different people. To my surprise the instructor had filled out a report card for Jones and he thought that Jones was a far better swimmer than Kenny.
Through out my young life, and yep I said young, I have had some medical procedures done that have given me the opportunity to be admitted to the hospital. Some stays were short and one required spending the night. I have had loved ones that have experienced the same. There are those that have been given the news of a certain horrific illness that hits them and their loved ones like being hit with a truck. To this day it is very touching to think about the visitors that come by bringing flowers, cards or even those "perfect" gifts because the friend knows the one in the hospital or the one dealing with bad news well and knows what will either touch them or make them laugh. The loved ones visiting will stay for a little while talking about whatever and then leave sharing their love. Staying the night at the hospital really isn't my top things of life to have experienced. There is always those machine noises, people walking down the halls and then my absolute favorite (feel the sacrasm) having a nurse help you use the bathroom. The repeated calls and visits even after getting home makes the recovery time that much easier to accomplish. With my last job I was out for a period of time after a medical procedure and I even received a card from the Regional President wishing my luck in my recovery. He even sent me a card when my dear Grandma passed away.
After I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety I remember coming home with my sweet wife. I joked about it a bit because that is usually how I deal with news like that but inside I was terrified. Per my request, I wanted to keep that news quiet so my wife and I only told a select few ... some family members and of course my work needed to know since I would be out for an undetermined time. I recall walking around the house aimlessly thinking about what having depression and anxiety meant for me, my wife and my awesome kids. I was scared not knowing what the future would bring. I fealt alone looking at this dark road ahead of me. Well, three years have come and gone and progress has been made step by step fighting the entire way. I find myself thinking back about those first days and think how much flowers, cards, those "perfect" gifts and visitors would have helped out immensley. I didn't even get a card from the Regional President. Now, I will be the first to say that we didn't make it known so how would people know to do such things. I understand that point and admit that one is on me. I'm going to take that lovely trip now walking out to the limb I know and love ... you know, I'm stepping out on a limb here. Some may not like me for what I am going to say but I do it for a purpose. Last October I had enough of keeping it quiet about fighting the beast of depression and anxiety and told everyone. Hey, I even started a blog. My FB friends let me feel the love by their reply the day I announced it, which was awesome. I am going to let you guess how many flowers, cards, "perfect gifts" and visitors I got and still receive. If you are leaning to the side of "alot" you will need to lean the other way. I amazed how people will only take the time to ask you how you are only when you run into them. I understand that some people stay away because they don't know what to say or don't know how to show the love. We don't want you to fix us ... we just need the love. When you go visit someone in the hospital you don't tell them or the doc what they need to do to "fix" them. You go to console and show love by being there and just shooting the breeze. I am starting to feel the limb I am standing on starting to crack so let me step back here. Let me say to those few that have stepped up and have showed the love for me and my family. THANK YOU!! I simply don't do this to call attention to me saying that I need flowers, cards, gifts etc even though a taco and Coke sounds good :0. The point of all this is to help the majority of people that are out there that can offer love and help to those that are mentally ill. They need you! We need you! Those that are mentally ill and are keeping it a secret because you feel ashamed ... share it with others. Give them the chance to love you. My hope is that we can hear more and more stories about when someone was diagnosed with depression that they were flooded with flowers, visits, cards, gifts etc cheering them on giving them hope! Remember they need you. You may feel like they are good swimmers while deep inside they are frantically treading water not sure how much more they can do.
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