In my early twenties, which was not too long ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a drop dead gorgeous lady at the church I was attending. Not only was she beautiful, she was an amazing person as well. There was a huge potential problem though. The church I was attending was made up of single folks. Yep, that meant there was far too many guys that were interested in this fine lady as well. I was able to do some digging and was able to get her phone number. I still remember to this day the phone number because I dialed 6 out of the 7 numbers hundreds of times not hitting that last digit because I was terrified! Now I had learned in my young life about the word "delegation" and even the word "favor." I had several good friends that would have called her for me, but how would that really look. Plus, even though they are friends, the looks of a gorgeous lady has incredible powers. I knew that I was on my own with this one. So, I dialed the 6 numbers and took a deep breath and hit the last digit. The ringing began and so did the fast beating of my heart. When she got on the phone I was literally out of breath. I must have sounded pretty ridiculous, but she did not hang up. I even got up the courage to ask her out but she said "no." I usually like to end the story there because it sounds so priceless, but she said "no" because she already had plans. She then proceeded to ask me out for another day but I had to say "no" because I had plans. Side note ~~ There you go sweet heart. It is in writing :) ~~ Needless to say we were able to iron plans out and we have been dating since ... yep, even after that marriage thing she will still go out with me and she still takes my breath away. So what did I tell her why I was out of breath on that first call? I told her I had been running around the house taking care of things ... yep, pretty lame.
So, I still meet with my psychologist twice a month and he still has his leather couch. He has stopped having free beverages in the fridge in the lobby ... perhaps it is because I always joked with him that if I was in the neighborhood I would always stop by and take one. My psychologist though is awesome. He has helped me get through the thickest walls and around the deepest holes in my life. I still suffer from depression and loneliness and of course the anxiety kicks in at the most inconvenient times. Lately, we have come across some "things" that I am working through. One of the toughest things for me is when all is said and done, it feels it is up to me to work on coping mechanics, it is up to me to be willing to share my deepest thoughts always, it is up to me to fight the beast of depression, it is up to me to keep taking meds and meeting with my psychologist ... it is up to me to fix my mental illness because in the end who can do that for me? With depression chasing the drive away to really do any thing at times, that "finish line" of getting through this appears farther away, even out of sight. When this happens, the roads of escape speak loudly. Yes, I suffer with this and is stinks badly. So does anything help? For me ... yes. For any others that may be fighting this battle let me just share what gives me a small glimpse to keep fighting. Not lose sight of my support: my sweet wife, awesome kids and few true friends. They can't do the "work" I strive to do to keep getting better but leaning on their strength when mine is gone is amazing. Not lose sight of the "I'm All Alone" danger zone. Yes, there are things that only I can do but it DOES NOT MEAN that I am all alone. Not lose sight of Divinity: I often look up and tell God that there is no way I can do this on my own. Simply recognizing his strength, mercy and love help me. Well these all sound pretty good, huh? They do, but for me are easily chased away as my depression kicks my tail. Yet, the thing I can control is keep trying every day ... like dialing six digits. I know that I will be able to dial that seventh digit someday and will totally be out of breath but making it will be worth it.
